I wrecked a fingernail in an accident with a ladder, and it's pretty hard to type efficiently right now. 


More art updates soon!

A Lot of Words

I always intend on writing a quick post, but ideas happen and then I've got too many things that I want to say and not enough patience. 


First up: the Burlington Art Centre's Christmas sale and soup bowl fundraiser is happening tomorrow through to Sunday. There's some wicked work being sold, some of which is mine! BUY MY STUFF BECAUSE I NEED TO PAY OFF THE PLANE TICKET HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS!


In a roundabout way it connects to my next thought, which is the Improved Mental State I'm experiencing. In the days following my last post (I know, it hasn't been long) I've started to feel better. Better about my relationship with the studio/this town/this program. I'm making an effort to set boundaries in the studio to preserve my time and energy, and I'm reaching out to family, friends, and mentors back home.  


I've also booked my flight home for Christmas. 


Monday night precipitated a massive shift in how I address some of pent-up studio anxiety and I felt good enough to work all day Tuesday and return in the evening. There was a weaving night class, and I was taken aback by how nice it felt to be working near a school-type setting. I chatted with a few students (madame, c'etait une plaisir de vous parler, meme si mon Francais est pitoyable compare a la votre) and settled in to work. It felt a little like being back home :)


I've been dreaming up a new direction for the project, and I'm playing with a couple of ideas. A piece relating to my experiences here feels right, but until last night the details were slippery. I wanted to incorporate dye experiments, some sort of imagery... plants and elephants and other things, weaving, the failed blanket story project, maybe rug hooking, handspun yarn, surface embellishment, some reference to personal growth, etc. Ideally the piece(s) would be easy to ship. 


So... Gifts. That's all I'm going to say for now.  


Now I'm facing the reality of having charges for a plane ticket home for the holidays on my credit card. It's painful to look at, but it doesn't matter because later in December I get to see the most handsome cat in the world, spend much needed time with my kooky and wonderful siblings and parents and friends, and I get to eat a stupid amount of fantastic food that I neither have to make nor pay for. I'm going to need new pants. I do need new pants anyway, but these ones will have to be larger. 


I came across a notion in a book I'm reading, regarding double-lives. The paragraph in question speaks specifically about the tendency of some Witches/pagans/folks of alternative religious leaning/etc. to hide that aspect of their life, whether to ensure job security or avoid being ostracized or ridiculed. The argument was that this fragmentation/segregation of the whole was detrimental and that only by fighting for a whole acceptance of the self could a person truly have a free, strong identity. Or something like that. 


It seemed like an affirmation of the Big Life Lesson I struggle with (speaking about what is important to me). I shouldn't have to stifle my voice for fear of negative confrontation. In the past couple of days I've seen just how much life and general outlook can change when you make your feelings known. 


I can't wait to incorporate this into my work. 


One last thing: I found ingredients in the cupboard and made veggie sushi tonight. It's amazing. 

Obstacles and Elephants

I try to focus on the positive in my blog, but lately it's been damned difficult to do. I feel isolated, I sorely lack the dynamic critical dialogue and creative sharing of my old community, I'm uninterested in this project, and uninspired among other things. 


It came to a head on Thursday or Friday and I just didn't know what to do. I'd spent the last couple of weeks dragging my sorry ass from the studio to work, moping around, working up the energy to get out of bed, and living in a bad state. I knew what was wrong, and I knew there were more things out of place that I couldn't define, but I couldn't see a way out this whole mess. 


Lesson #1: Calm the fuck down and call someone.
I called my dad and cried a lot. Again. This has been happening frequently since I've moved here. My dad put the situation in simple terms: either pack up and leave, or find some way to get what I need from other sources and make it to the end. I also spoke with two other friends in the following days.


Lesson #2: Your friends are there for you. Just call them. 
The day after I skyped with my amazing friend and mentor, WhiteFeather. It had been a while since we spoke. Seeing a friendly face and hearing a friendly voice made me feel so, so much better. Hearing about her own experiences with residencies and creative/emotional/huge life challenges put my experiences in perspective and gave me maybe not courage, but at least a little bit of hope. Hope that I could change my attitude towards this place and get through this residency with some modicum of sanity.


I called another friend today and after we hit disconnect I knew that phone calls, skype, emails, and letters were going to be my salvation in this suburban hermitage. I simply do not have a community here, so I'll just have to maintain long-distance relationships, and visit Toronto whenever finances permit. 


Lesson #3: I can change my mind! 
An ongoing lesson for me has been giving myself permission. Permission to change my mind, to do what I want, to be inspired or uninspired by an idea, to let go of what doesn't work for me, to not hold myself to imaginary obligations. Yesterday evening I was feeling okay with this re-revelation, probably a little more empowered than usual, and began shouting in the kitchen. Not angry shouting, but empowered, soul-affirming, backbone-building mantras at gradually increasing amplitudes.  


Development of the Will and Voice is liberating and important.


Dropping a dead idea is too.


Lesson #4: Ganesha.
I took it as a sign of easy times to come when I found a little statue of Ganesha in the house I'm living in. I knew him then solely as the Remover of Obstacles. I vividly remember finding the statue and thinking that I'd come to the end all the SHIT I had to push through in the past year. "Fuck yeah! Finally caught a break!" Now I know that there is still healing to be done, confidence and vision to hone, and my current situation is simply an intense and finite space in which to fix that shit. 

That being said, I anticipate the next three and a half months to be no less difficult than the past two and a half. I expect to feel isolated here, lonely, angry (occasionally without warrant), depressed, uninspired, and frustrated. 

Knowing when to shift gears, changing my project parameters, and talking more often to good artists and friends back home and in Toronto is what's going to make the aforementioned suffering worthwhile for me. 

Christmas Stock

I've been consumed by dye experiments lately. Ah, someday this will all be part of a grand thesis, but for now it'll be incorporated into this year's holiday product line. 

The results of pounding plants into cloth to see what happens are very pleasing. Since they're not going to be worn or handled a great deal, I'm not terribly concerned with the colour being wash fast. Steaming and pressing them with a hot iron has made some of the pigments able to stand up to a light spritzing with water, and most are fairly lightfast. The samples below have been made into cards for the upcoming BAC Christmas sale! 

And the background carpet is pretty sweet. 

A few little samples were turned into ornaments. I don't have a sewing machine here, so they're all hand-sewn and stuffed with wool. 

I WILL SELL ALL OF THEM!

Brief Update

Ahoy there! I've been in the studio for the past two days and forgot a camera both times. I've been prepping cloth for Christmas sale products, spinning yarn, writing, and moping around because yes, it's SAD season again. 


I'll try and remember my camera tomorrow to show you the dyed cloth and fluffy yarns. 


A fantastic package of seasoned birch bark from ReBecca came in the mail today and it'll go into the dye pot next week, schedule permitting.