What Have I Been Doing?

My nail is ugly but healed, and I should have been writing by now. A lot has changed and a lot hasn't changed around here. Moods fluctuate, the temperature has been mild, and the holidays are right around the corner. Let's make a nice tidy list to make sure nothing gets left out:


1. It's been difficult to get to the studio, what with my precarious financial situation requiring more hours at the shoe shop than at the workbench. I'm okay with how that's worked. It's not ideal (really, winning the lotto or marrying rich would be ideal), but it's temporary and I can handle temporary. 


2. What have I been making? Not a whole lot, to be honest. I've prepared the loom for weaving after Christmas, dyed a few skeins of yarn, and began working on a present for my grandparents. I've started drawing again. I've made mind maps. Overall, December has not been a productive month for me. 


Which leads me to a redefinition of the word "productive". I feel guilty when I don't put in enough studio hours, when I spend more evenings watching movies or reading than making tangible things, when I work on little things instead of the Big Important Objects. People like to see Big Important Objects, and I do too. The problem with being obsessed with making Large Things, or expending large amounts of energy on one thing, is that when I shift gears and spend more time and energy on the smaller projects and inspiration-gathering, it becomes more difficult to measure what it is you're doing. 


I've got a week in Burlington before heading home for the holidays. A 34 hour work week, a visit-friends-in-the-city week, a pack/clean/write/mail/eat week. I'm going to spend time this week making goals for the next year. Here's how they're shaping up:


1. Love more: Accept the natural creative highs and lows of artlife, worry less about being in a town that doesn't suit me, learn about heritage, cultivate a strong voice. 


2. Wear silk undergarments, or pretend all my undergarments are silk.


3. My life, at times, is a lot like a Wes Anderson movie. Run with it. 


4. Land at least 3 exhibitions this year. 






These Resolutions are still in progress, but I like them. I like heading home for the holidays even more though. SEVEN DAYS! SEVEN! 

I wrecked a fingernail in an accident with a ladder, and it's pretty hard to type efficiently right now. 


More art updates soon!

A Lot of Words

I always intend on writing a quick post, but ideas happen and then I've got too many things that I want to say and not enough patience. 


First up: the Burlington Art Centre's Christmas sale and soup bowl fundraiser is happening tomorrow through to Sunday. There's some wicked work being sold, some of which is mine! BUY MY STUFF BECAUSE I NEED TO PAY OFF THE PLANE TICKET HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS!


In a roundabout way it connects to my next thought, which is the Improved Mental State I'm experiencing. In the days following my last post (I know, it hasn't been long) I've started to feel better. Better about my relationship with the studio/this town/this program. I'm making an effort to set boundaries in the studio to preserve my time and energy, and I'm reaching out to family, friends, and mentors back home.  


I've also booked my flight home for Christmas. 


Monday night precipitated a massive shift in how I address some of pent-up studio anxiety and I felt good enough to work all day Tuesday and return in the evening. There was a weaving night class, and I was taken aback by how nice it felt to be working near a school-type setting. I chatted with a few students (madame, c'etait une plaisir de vous parler, meme si mon Francais est pitoyable compare a la votre) and settled in to work. It felt a little like being back home :)


I've been dreaming up a new direction for the project, and I'm playing with a couple of ideas. A piece relating to my experiences here feels right, but until last night the details were slippery. I wanted to incorporate dye experiments, some sort of imagery... plants and elephants and other things, weaving, the failed blanket story project, maybe rug hooking, handspun yarn, surface embellishment, some reference to personal growth, etc. Ideally the piece(s) would be easy to ship. 


So... Gifts. That's all I'm going to say for now.  


Now I'm facing the reality of having charges for a plane ticket home for the holidays on my credit card. It's painful to look at, but it doesn't matter because later in December I get to see the most handsome cat in the world, spend much needed time with my kooky and wonderful siblings and parents and friends, and I get to eat a stupid amount of fantastic food that I neither have to make nor pay for. I'm going to need new pants. I do need new pants anyway, but these ones will have to be larger. 


I came across a notion in a book I'm reading, regarding double-lives. The paragraph in question speaks specifically about the tendency of some Witches/pagans/folks of alternative religious leaning/etc. to hide that aspect of their life, whether to ensure job security or avoid being ostracized or ridiculed. The argument was that this fragmentation/segregation of the whole was detrimental and that only by fighting for a whole acceptance of the self could a person truly have a free, strong identity. Or something like that. 


It seemed like an affirmation of the Big Life Lesson I struggle with (speaking about what is important to me). I shouldn't have to stifle my voice for fear of negative confrontation. In the past couple of days I've seen just how much life and general outlook can change when you make your feelings known. 


I can't wait to incorporate this into my work. 


One last thing: I found ingredients in the cupboard and made veggie sushi tonight. It's amazing.